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Sarcasm - Sarcastic Quotes

Great Quotes > Sarcasm (sär-"ka-z&m) n.
Etymology: French or Late Latin; French sarcasme, from Late Latin sarcasmos, from Greek sarkasmos, from sarkazein to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer, from sark-, sarx flesh; probably akin to Avestan thwarts- to cut Date: 1550. Source: Merriam-Webster

It sounds pretty nasty. We would like to believe that sarcasm is a deliberate statement with intent for humor. You can be the judge. We have a very large list of sarcasm quotes.

If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.


  • Edward Abbey
    -- A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

  • Joey Adams
    -- Stay with me; I want to be alone
    -- A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

  • Russel Baker
    -- People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

  • Alben W. Barkley
    -- A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.

  • Dave Barry
    -- The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom."

  • Caron de Beaumarchais
    -- It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.

  • Ambrose Bierce
    -- Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

  • Stephen Bishop
    -- I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

  • Erma Bombeck
    -- One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
    -- I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.

  • Ashleigh Brilliant
    -- Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence

  • David Brinkley
    -- The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.

  • A. Whitney Brown
    -- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

  • Samuel Butler
    -- Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.

  • Frank Capra
    -- Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.

  • John Ciardi
    -- You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

  • Ashleigh Brillant
    -- Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

  • Forrest Tucker
    -- He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.

  • John Cleese
    -- I find it rather easy to protray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

  • Johnny Carson
    -- Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  • Jean Cocteau
    -- I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?

  • Andrei Codrescu
    -- Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother's.

  • Steven Coallier
    -- If we are the only intelligent life in the universe, at least there's a finite number of idiots.

  • Noel Coward
    -- I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.

  • Quentin Crisp
    -- The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.

  • Finley Peter Dunne
    -- An appeal is when you ask one court to show it's contempt for another court.

  • J.W. Eagan
    -- Never judge a book by its movie.

  • Abba Eban
    -- History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

  • William Feather
    -- Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

  • Carrie Fisher
    -- You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.
    -- Instant gratification takes too long.

  • Gustave Flaubert
    -- To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.

  • Redd Foxx
    -- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

  • Milton Friedman
    -- Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.

  • Gallagher
    -- Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work

  • Gandhi
    -- I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.

  • Brendan Gill
    -- Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

  • Richard Goodwin
    -- People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. I know I did. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.

  • Adrienne E. Gusoff
    -- Just when you realize life's a bitch, it has puppies.

  • Cynthia Heimel
    -- If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

  • Katherine Hepburn
    -- Death will be a great relief. No more interviews.

  • Alfred Hitchcock
    -- This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book -- it makes a very poor doorstop.
    -- I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the manmade sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.
    -- There are several differences between a footballl game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also there are more injuries at a football game.
    -- Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

  • Eric Hoffer
    -- When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

  • Elbert Hubbard
    -- A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.

  • Kin Hubbard
    -- A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
    -- Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
    -- The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
    -- One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

  • Aldous Huxley
    -- Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
    -- Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.

  • W. R. Inge
    -- Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter.

  • Clive James
    -- Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology.

  • P.D. James
    -- We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.

  • Thomas Jefferson
    -- Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies.

  • John Maynard Keynes
    -- The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.

  • Henry Kissinger
    -- The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault.
    -- Ninty percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad name.

  • Tony Kornheiser
    -- Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at night hates Legos.

  • Alfred A. Knopf
    -- An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

  • Joseph Wood Krutch
    -- Both the cockroach and the bird could get along very well without us, although the cockroach would miss us most.

  • Louis Kronenberger
    -- The trouble with America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy.

  • Fran Lebowitz
    -- Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

  • David Letterman
    -- Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

  • Oscar Levant
    -- Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

  • Leonard Louis Levinson
    -- I wish I'd known you when you were alive.

  • Sinclair Lewis
    -- Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, especially if they are worthless.
    -- People will buy anything that is 'one to a customer.'

  • Alice Roosevelt Longworth
    -- Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

  • Norman Mailer
    -- Once a newspaper touches a story, the facts are lost forever, even to the protagonists.

  • W. Somerset Maugham
    --She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer, made her confident way towards the white cliffs of the obvious.

  • Groucho Marx
    -- No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
    -- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
    -- I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
    -- I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

  • Edward Shepherd Mead
    -- Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

  • H.L. Mencken
    -- It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has decended from man.
    -- Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

  • Montaigne
    -- Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in memory as the wish to forget it.

  • Lewis Mumford
    -- Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

  • Ogden Nash
    -- The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat.

  • Howard Ogden
    -- Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect.

  • Robert Orben
    -- Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.

  • Lester Pearson
    -- Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.

  • Laurence J. Peter
    -- Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
    -- Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

  • Arthur Wing Pinero
    -- A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination.

  • Dan Rather
    -- Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

  • Pierre August Renoir
    -- It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.

  • Ann Richards
    -- He can't help it - he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.

  • Will Rogers
    -- There ought to be one day -- just one -- where there is open season on senators.

  • Andy Rooney
    --When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

  • Harold Rosenberg
    -- No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it facinating.

  • Rita Rudner
    -- In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
    -- My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
    -- I want to have children and I know my time is running out: I want to have them while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
    -- I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
    -- Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

  • George Sanders
    Acting is like roller skating. Once you know how to do it, it is neither stimulating nor exciting.

  • George Bernard Shaw
    -- In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.
    -- There are only two classes in good society in England: the equestrian class and the neurotic class.
    -- The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

  • Wilfred Sheed
    -- If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English.

  • Robert Louis Stevenson
    -- Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.
    -- I regard you with an indifference closely bordering on aversion.

  • Adlai Stevenson
    -- Some people approach every problem with an open mouth.

  • Tom Stoppard
    -- Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork and picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

  • Johnathan Swift
    -- Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

  • James Thurber
    -- If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
    -- Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

  • Lily Tomlin
    -- I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
    -- The trouble with the rat race is even if you win you're still a rat.

  • Herbert Beerbohm Tree
    -- The national sport of England is obstacle racing. People fill their rooms with useless and cumbersome furniture, and spend the rest of their lives trying to dodge it.

  • Pierre Trudeau
    -- Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.

  • Mark Twain
    -- Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
    -- Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
    -- Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.
    -- I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
    -- Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

  • Mo Udall
    -- If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.

  • John Updike
    -- A healthy adult male bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.

  • Peter Ustinov
    -- If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

  • Bill Vaughan
    -- Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

  • Gore Vidal
    --Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.

  • Eli Wallach
    -- Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you've got a pretty neck.

  • Carolyn Wells
    -- Actions lie louder than words.

  • Oscar Wilde
    -- The basis of action is lack of imagination. It is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.
    -- It is only the intellectually lost who ever argue.
    -- It is only by not paying one's bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial classes.
    -- Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    -- Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.

  • Billy Wilder
    --He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

  • Alexander Wolcott
    --All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

  • Steven Wright
    -- There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

  • Evelle J. Younger
    -- An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attourney can delay one even longer.

  • Frank Zappa
    -- The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.


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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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