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Bill Maher Quotes

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Quotes by Bill Maher

Quotes >Bill Maher.

  • They added up all the people in this country who consider themselves a minority and it added up to more than the population of the country.
  • Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."
  • Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
  • The assassin of Dr. Martin Luther King, James Earl Ray, is dead. And what a practical joke on him when he finds out that hell is integrated.
  • Men are only as loyal as their options.
  • We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
  • Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
  • Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
  • The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, "You know what? Let's just grab lunch."
  • Psychiatrists are no help. What do they tell you?
    "Well, we'll have to get back into your childhood to find the trauma."
    Who can't find the trauma in childhood? I'm two feet tall. I don't know what the f**k is going on. Everybody can beat me up. Gee, doc, you're a genius to find trauma there.


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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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