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Here's your funny and humorous quotes. Checking the ones that we have below !!
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be President,
and anyone who doesn't grow up can be Vice President.
I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I spent most of my money on booze and women. The
rest I wasted.
How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How
about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove,
and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
One time a guy pulled a knife on me... I could tell it
wasn't a professional job; it had butter on it.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make
Forgive me now - tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.
Every once in a while, you let a word or phrase out
and you want to catch it and bring it back. You
can't do that. It's gone, gone forever.
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Last Updated April 1, 2013
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