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Jokes > Resume Bloopers.    If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.


  • My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

  • Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.

  • Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

  • Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.

  • I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

  • I am a rabid typist.

  • Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side.

  • Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.

  • Proven ability to track down and correct erors.

  • Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.

  • I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.

  • References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me.

  • Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.

  • Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.

  • My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

  • I procrastinate -- especially when the task is unpleasant.

  • I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail.

  • Qualifications: No education or experience.

  • Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.

  • Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.

  • Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!

  • And at the bottom of a cover letter: Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!


Recommended Reading from Amazon.com

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Tales from the Tech Line: Hilarious Strange-But-True Stories from the Computer Industry's Technical-Support Hotlines

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101 Wacky Computer Jokes

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Totally Useless Office Skills: 75 Great Ways to Play at Work


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Gifts:

Nurses' Station:"The idea for the Nurses' Station Catalog was conceived in 1989. After searching the marketplace in response to customer inquiries, it became obvious that there were no catalogs of this type serving the nursing profession. To be sure, there were several catalogs offering nurse's uniforms and a smattering of professional items. But there weren't any catalogs at the time offering a range of gifts, clothing, professional items, name badges, shoes and scrubs for nurses. It took two years of hard work to gather samples and put a together a catalog of the most unique and high-quality items for nurses. "
Nurses Station P.O. Box 388 Centerbrook, CT 06409-03881



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Last Updated March 12, 2008

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