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Resume Bloopers. If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.
- My
intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete
projects on time is unspeakable.
- Education:
Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.
- Instrumental
in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
- Personal:
Married, 1992 Chevrolet.
- I
have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
- I
am a rabid typist.
- Created
a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail
order service on the side.
- Exposure
to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.
- Proven
ability to track down and correct erors.
- Personal
interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.
- I
have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and
absolutely no one.
- References:
None, I've left a path of destruction behind me.
- Strengths:
Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
- Don't
take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative
beggars and slave drivers.
- My
goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
- I
procrastinate -- especially when the task is unpleasant.
- I
am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume
on my office voicemail.
- Qualifications:
No education or experience.
- Disposed
of $2.5 billion in assets.
- Accomplishments:
Oversight of entire department.
- Extensive
background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!
- And
at the bottom of a cover letter: Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear
from you shorty!
Recommended Reading from Amazon.com

Tales from the Tech Line: Hilarious Strange-But-True Stories from the Computer Industry's Technical-Support Hotlines

101 Wacky Computer Jokes

Totally Useless Office Skills: 75 Great Ways to Play at Work
eBay The World's Online Marketplace !!:
Are you looking for that hard to find Collectible? A great price
on a Car, Truck or Boat? If you are looking for a great price on
just about ANYTHING - eBAY's the place to be --- 24 hours a day
!!
Gifts:
Nurses' Station:"The idea for the Nurses'
Station Catalog was conceived in 1989. After searching the
marketplace in response to customer inquiries, it became obvious
that there were no catalogs of this type serving the nursing
profession. To be sure, there were several catalogs offering
nurse's uniforms and a smattering of professional items. But
there weren't any catalogs at the time offering a range of gifts,
clothing, professional items, name badges, shoes and scrubs for
nurses. It took two years of hard work to gather samples and put
a together a catalog of the most unique and high-quality items
for nurses. "
Nurses Station P.O. Box 388 Centerbrook, CT 06409-03881
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