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American Football Jokes. If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.
Football Short-Takes
- Our offensive line was so good that even our backs couldn't get through it.
- Football is a game of inches, and that's how some teams move the ball.
- As John Madden says, "If you see a defensive line with a lot of dirt
on their backs, they've had a bad day."
- Our linebacker is so strong he can pitch horseshoes while they're still on
the horse.
- We play in a dome stadium. We always prefer to kick with the air-conditioning
at our backs.
- I thought one of the linemen had a tattoo on his leg but it turned out to
be a government meat inspection stamp.
- He's so huge, instead of a number he should have a license plate.
- The coach was marching on the field alongside the band. A majorette threw
her baton in the air and then dropped it. A fan yelled, "Hey, I see you coach
the band, too."
- Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two
hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch
them.
- Did you hear about the world's dumbest center? They had to stencil on his
pants: This End Up. On his shoes they put, T. G. I. F., "Toes go in first."
- I say let's make football more entertaining and give the quarterback something
else to think about. Let's arm each middle linebacker with a coconut custard pie.
- Some chickens were in a yard when a football flew over the fence. A rooster
walked by and said, "I'm not complaining, girls, but look at the work they're
doing next door!"
- The coach says his favorite play is the one where one of our players pitches
the ball back to the official after he has scored a touchdown.
- The coach was always a step ahead of all opposing coaches. When they started
the two-platoon system, he had a three-platoon system one on offense, one on defense,
and one to go to classes.
- Our quarterback knows how to do everything with a football except autograph
it.
- I gave up my hope of being a star halfback the second day of practice. One
tackle grabbed my left leg, another grabbed my right leg, and the linebacker looked
at me and said, "Make a wish!"
- Pro linemen are so huge that it takes just four of them to make a dozen.
- Our players have a lot on the ball. Unfortunately, it's never their hands.
- He wore number 53. Unfortunately, that was his combined SAT score.
- We were in a really tough game. Our quarterback started praying, and we heard
a distant voice say, "Please don't include me in this."
- That linebacker has rung so many bells he has a fan club consisting entirely
of Avon ladies.
- We have lots of veterans on this year's squad. Too bad they're all from World
War II.
- The place kicker missed his attempt at a field goal. He was so angry, he went
to kick himself and missed again.
- They call it their nickel defense, because that's what it's worth.
- Wife to friend:"The most exciting play of the season was when Fred sat
on the cheese dip."
- I would have played football, but I have an intestinal problem - no guts.
- I knew that he was on steroids. His I.Q. and neck size were the same number.
- "I know I told you that I loved you more than football, honey, but that
was during the strike."
- You know that your coaching job is in trouble when the marching band forms
a noose at half-time.
- Old quarterbacks never die. They just pass away.
- We have so many players on the disabled list the team bus can park in a handicapped
space.
- This team employs their famous "Doughnut Defense" the one with the
big hole in the middle.
- This year I can assure you that we are going to move the ball. I just hope
that it's forward.
- The only way they can gain yardage is to run their game films backward.
- Husband: "Hey, Marie, do you have anything you want to say before the
football season starts?"
- He retired due to illness and fatigue. The fans were sick and tired of his
coaching.
More Football Jokes - Page 1 2
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by Helen Exley (Editor), Bill Stott, Samantha Armstrong (Editor)
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Last Updated May 6, 2012
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