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You Might Be a Nurse if...

• when using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute and turn off the faucets with your elbows. 
  
• when you tell a man you meet for the first time you're a nurse, you're expected to laugh hysterically when he asks you for a sponge bath, as if it was the most original and wittiest thing you've ever heard. 
  
• your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up. 
  
• men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion porn movies about nurses. 
  
• everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have. 
  
• you want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with doctors. 
  
• you can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones. 
  
• you can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spaghetti with lots of tomato sauce. 
  
• you use a plastic 30cc medicine cup for a shot glass.
  

• Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
• Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
• The salespeople at Radio Shack can't answer any of your questions.
• You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
• You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
• You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
• You know what http:// stands for.
• You see a good design and still have to change it.
• You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
• You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.
• You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
• Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
• Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
• You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.
• You've already calculated how much you make per second.

• Your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card
• You refer to your child as Deduction 214
• You deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses"
• At the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation
• You decide to change your name to a symbol and you choose the double underline "=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D"
• You have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store

• you walk around conducting the Verdi Requiem, Dvorak Requiem, Bruckner e-minor Mass, Beethoven 7, etc., and wonder why people are looking at you funny.
• you know Tchaikovsky's full name AND all its spellings.
• you have played more instruments than the average person can name.
• you own more in sheet music than in CDs
• you can define the difference between a sonata and a concerto.
• you know 101 jokes involving either violas, French horns, or percussionists.
• you know any jokes about players of any other specific instruments.
• your phone is unplugged for 2 hours or more a day so you can practice.
• you actually cheered on the marching band in high school.
• you have ever played anything by Bela Bartok.

• Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.
• You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
• Your firehouse has wheels.
• You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
• Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
• You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.
• At least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.
• Your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.
• You don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
• You've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
• Your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
• Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
• Your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.
• Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
• The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.
• Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.
• You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
• Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
• Your pumper smokes more than the house fire.
• The only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.

• If you know the price of milk per hundred weight but not by the gallon.
• If the medicine cabinet contains a container of Bag Balm.
• If you've ever gotten an award for fat (and were proud of it).
• If your idea of a power lunch is a sandwich on a tractor.
• If your idea of a neighborhood watch is someone calling you to let you know your heifers are out.
• If you have more than a dozen cats.
• If your idea of overnite delivery is pulling a calf at three in the morning.
• If you can remember the name of every cow on your farm but the names of your children elude you.
• If manure is a dinner table topic.
• If your backyard ends at an electric fence.

Allheart.com: "Nursing Uniforms is our specialty. AllHeart.com offers Medical Uniforms and Scrubs, Stethoscopes, Diagnostic Tools, Blood Pressure Devices and more at EveryDay Low Prices. Scrubs for men and women are our bread and butter. AllHeart.com's senior management includes over 90 years of experience in pharmaceuticals, health care, retail, manufacturing, and catalog merchandising industries. AllHeart.com also offers a Free 30 Day Walk and Wear Return Policy to ensure customer satisfaction."

Nurses' Station:"The idea for the Nurses' Station Catalog was conceived in 1989. After searching the marketplace in response to customer inquiries, it became obvious that there were no catalogs of this type serving the nursing profession. To be sure, there were several catalogs offering nurse's uniforms and a smattering of professional items. But there weren't any catalogs at the time offering a range of gifts, clothing, professional items, name badges, shoes and scrubs for nurses. It took two years of hard work to gather samples and put a together a catalog of the most unique and high-quality items for nurses. "
Nurses Station P.O. Box 388 Centerbrook, CT 06409-03881