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• Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea-cup?
  I wouldn't know, sir. I'm a waiter, not a fortune-teller.
• Waiter, there's a beetle in my soup; send the manager here.
  That won't do any good, sir - he's frightened of them as well!
• Waiter, is this a lamb chop or a pork chop?
  Can't you tell by the taste?
  No, I can't
  Then what does it matter?
• Waiter, in future I'd like my soup without.
  Without what, sir?
  Without your thumb in it!
• Waiter, bring me a glass of milk and a Dover sole.
  Fillet?
  Yes, to the brim.
• Waiter, I'll pay my bill now.
  This $10 note is bad, sir.
  So was the meal.
• Waiter, there's a fly in my butter.
  No there isn't.
  I tell you there is a fly in my butter!
  And I tell you there isn't; it isn't a fly, it's a moth and it isn't butter, it's margarine - so there!
• Waiter, how long have you been here?
  Six months, sir.
  Ah, then, it can't be you who took my order.
• Waiter, I can't eat this!
  Why not sir?
  You haven't given me a knife and fork.
• Waiter, this lobster's only got one claw.
  I expect he's been in a fight, sir.
  Well, bring me the winner!
• Waiter, have you got frogs' legs?
  Certainly, sir.
  Then hop into the kitchen and get me a steak!
• Waiter, does the pianist play requests?
  Yes, sir.
  Then ask him to play tiddlywinks till I've finished my meal.
• Waiter, my bill please.
  How did you find your luncheon, sir?
  With a magnifying glass.
• Waiter, bring me a fried egg with finger-marks in it, some luke-warm greasy chips and a portion of watery cabbage.
  We don't do food like that, sir!
  You did yesterday..