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Jokes > Battle of the Sexes and Gender Jokes
Translations
of the Female Language
Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument
that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use Fine
to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.
Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent
to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash,
so it's an even trade.
Nothing: This means something, and you should be on your
toes.
Nothing is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to
turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
Nothing usually signifies an argument that will last Five Minutes
and end with the word Fine.
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that
will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the
word Fine.
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up"
or Do what you want, because I don't care. You will get a raised
eyebrow Go ahead in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing and Fine
and she will talk to you in about Five Minutes when she cools off.
<Loud Sigh>: This is not actually a word, but is still
often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks
you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over Nothing.
<Soft Sigh>: Again, not a word, but a verbal
statement. Soft Sighs are one of the few things that some men
actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or
breathe, and she will stay content.
Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example:
"Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what
you were doing last night." If she says Oh before a statement, RUN,
do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is Fine when
she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk
to you for at least 2 days. Oh, as the lead to a sentence, usually
signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out
of it, or you will get raised eyebrows Go ahead followed by acts so
unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements
that a woman can say to a man. That's Okay means that she wants to
think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you
have done. That's Okay is often used with the word "Fine" and
used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow Go ahead. At some point
in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some
mighty big trouble.
Please Do: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman
is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for
doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell
the truth, so be careful, and you shouldn't get a That's Okay.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just
say you're welcome.
"Thanks a lot": This is much different from Thanks.
A woman will say, Thanks a lot when she is really ticked off at you.
It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by
the Loud Sigh. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh,
as she will only tell you Nothing.
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Last Updated May 6, 2012
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