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Jokes > Men Jokes

  • Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.

  • If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two, He'll be back to his usual self.

  • A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
    So she gets a divorce.

  • Marriage certificate?
    It's just another name for her work permit.

  • When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.

  • "It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children.
    I will never forget that game of cards..."

  • Men lie about their jobs, drive cars they can't afford, wear toupees and loose shirts that hide their stomachs, and say they want a "real woman"...
  • Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a mans sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!!!

  • Bigamy is having one husband too many.
    Some say monogamy is the same.

  • If a man suggests that you take a break from vacuuming the living room and relax what it means is he can't hear the TV

  • If you think he's listening to you, you're wrong he's trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation

  • If a man had a thought in his head, it would get lonely!

  • If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

  • Men are like roller coasters: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.

  • Behind every great man is a woman with a vibrator

  • If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

  • Scientist have finally discovered the chemical formula for Viagra.
    1% Sodium
    1% Iron
    1% Phosphate
    97% Fix-a-Flat

  • Remember; you are known by the idiot you accompany

  • Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

  • Women don't make fools of men most of them are the "do-it-yourself" types.

  • The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons you're sick of him.

  • The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

  • If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

  • A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."

  • Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

  • Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.

  • Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men a woman

  • When God made Man, she was just kidding.

  • If God had wanted men to be perfect, he'd have given them brains

  • Men is proof even God makes mistakes

  • Men? On the whole, I'd rather buy new batteries.

  • Men read Playboy for the articles women go to malls for the music.

  • Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands.

  • Men love sex with redheads, but their wives don't appreciate it!

  • Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win...they lose.

  • Men of quality respect women's equality.

  • Men play the game. Women know the score.

  • Flies spread disease, keep your's zipped

  • Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve.

  • Women are a pain in the ass, men are a pain EVERYWHERE!

  • Men have a joystick whereas women just have a game port.

  • Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

  • Men, stupid? You'd be dense too if you had your brain in your pants!

  • If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming way too high

  • It was love at first sight. He walked by and I saw the twinkle in his eye.
    I never knew that someone could be so in love with his own reflection in the mirror.

  • Women are indeed silly, we sleep with men, who if they were women, we wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

  • Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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