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• If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
• Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
• The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
  The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
• Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
• If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
• Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
• If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
  Don't they actually counteract each other?
• Money talks. Chocolate sings.
• Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
• Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
• A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
• If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

CALORIE BURNING ACTIVITIES

Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . 100

Swallowing your pride. . . . .... .. .50

Passing the buck . . . . . . . ... . .150

Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . ... 250

Wading through paperwork .. . ..  300

Jumping on the bandwagon .. . .. 200

Balancing the books. . . . . . .. .....25

Running around in circles. .. . . .. 350

Climbing the ladder of success  . 750

Adding fuel to the fire. . . . . . .  ...160

Wrapping it up at the day's end. . .12 

To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:

Opening a can of worms . . . ...  .. .50

Putting your foot in your mouth. .  300

Starting the ball rolling. . . . . . .......90

Going over the edge. . . . . . . . ... ...25

Picking up the pieces after. . . ......350

Counting eggs before they hatch.. . . 6

Calling it quits . . . . . . . . . . . ......... 2

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INCIDENT IN A NEW YORK RESTAURANT

One day, at a New York Restaurant, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"

A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter.  The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.

"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"

"No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."

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OLD MAN EATING

In a truck restaurant stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in, they saw an old man eating. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the dinner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his huge truck and really smashed  three  Harley Davidson motorcycles"

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More Food and Diet Jokes ==> Page  1  2   3   4 

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Gifts:
Allheart.com:"Nursing Uniforms is our specialty. AllHeart.com offers Medical Uniforms and Scrubs, Stethoscopes, Diagnostic Tools, Blood Pressure Devices and more at EveryDay Low Prices. Scrubs for men and women are our bread and butter. AllHeart.com's senior management includes over 90 years of experience in pharmaceuticals, health care, retail, manufacturing, and catalog merchandising industries. AllHeart.com also offers a Free 30 Day Walk and Wear Return Policy to ensure customer satisfaction."

Nurses' Station:"The idea for the Nurses' Station Catalog was conceived in 1989. After searching the marketplace in response to customer inquiries, it became obvious that there were no catalogs of this type serving the nursing profession. To be sure, there were several catalogs offering nurse's uniforms and a smattering of professional items. But there weren't any catalogs at the time offering a range of gifts, clothing, professional items, name badges, shoes and scrubs for nurses. It took two years of hard work to gather samples and put a together a catalog of the most unique and high-quality items for nurses. "
Nurses Station P.O. Box 388 Centerbrook, CT 06409-03881

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Last Updated March 12, 2008

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