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Jokes > Bumper Sticker Jokes


  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

  • Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.

  • Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

  • Eschew obfuscation. Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

  • Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

  • Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor.

  • Editing is a rewording activity.

  • Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen

  • Allow me to introduce my selves

  • Better living through denial

  • I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....

  • Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done

  • Too many freaks not enough circuses

  • Ambivalent? Well yes and no....

  • Does your train of thought have a caboose?

  • Is it time for your medication or mine?

  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck

  • How do I set the laser printer to stun?

  • I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....

  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

  • Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

  • I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

  • And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be ... ?

  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

  • Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

  • Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

  • Adults are just kids who owe money.

  • Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

  • I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

  • You! Off my planet!

  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

  • I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?

  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

  • If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

  • Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

  • I'm just driving this way to get you mad.

  • Keep honking, I'm reloading.

  • Hang up and drive.

  • Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

  • Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.

  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?


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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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