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• Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: Two-one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
  A: None, they only screw the poor.

• Q: How many Quality managers does it take to change a light bulb ?
  A: We've formed a quality circle to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to determine the best thing we as managers can do to enable light bulbs to work smarter, not harder.

• Q: How many admin assistants does it take to change a light bulb ?
  A: None. I can't do anything unless you complete a light bulb design change request form.

• Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
  A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

• Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

• Q: How many European ballet dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: None, they like Danzig in the dark.

• Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a light bulb ?
  A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

• Q: How many inner-city gang members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: Four-one to rob the liquor store to get money for the bulb, one to drive the getaway car, one to screw it in, and one to hold his crack pipe while he does it.

• Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: 22, one to screw it in, 21 to shoot the bulb.

• Q: How many ice skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman on club the other skater on the knee.

• Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a light bulb ?
  A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32.......

• Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
  A: JUST EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? HUH? HUH?

• Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: One, but you should've seen the line outside the producer's hotel room.

• Q: How many porn actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer is actually none. They're just faking it.

• Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last light bulb was much better.

• Q: How many schizophrenics does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: Well, he thinks it's five but as we all now it's only him, so...

• Q: How many people with multiple personality disorder does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: One, but they're really three.

• Q: How many manic-depressives does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: Only one, but they keep changing it back and forth between the new and old bulbs.

• Q: How many smokers does it take to change a light bulb ?
  A: At least five. If they all light up together the light bulb will do so too.

• Q: How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: Five, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have been *this* big! (Gestures with arms...) Five of us were barely enough!

• Q: How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb ?
  A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.

• Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison light bulb so it'll be architecturally accurate.

• Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb ?
  A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."

Nurses' Station:"The idea for the Nurses' Station Catalog was conceived in 1989. After searching the marketplace in response to customer inquiries, it became obvious that there were no catalogs of this type serving the nursing profession. To be sure, there were several catalogs offering nurse's uniforms and a smattering of professional items. But there weren't any catalogs at the time offering a range of gifts, clothing, professional items, name badges, shoes and scrubs for nurses. It took two years of hard work to gather samples and put a together a catalog of the most unique and high-quality items for nurses. "
Nurses Station P.O. Box 388 Centerbrook, CT 06409-03881

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