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Jokes > Walk Into A Bar .....Jokes. If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.
The Cowpoke A cowboy walks into a saloon bar and orders a large bourbon. Finishing his drink, he turns to the face the guy playing the piano, takes out his gun, shoots the music papers into the air, shoots the guys hat off and finally shoots the lid down trapping the poor guys fingers, before a flash spin with the gun and puts it back in its holster. "Brilliant shooting" says the bartender, "Mind if I look at your gun?" Another flashy spin brings the gun into the bartenders hands. "Nice tool, but if I were you I would file off the sight, all the rough edges, and where your name is in diamonds on the handle, make it all nice and smooth?" "What the hell for?" asks the cowboy. "Well see that piano player?" says the bartender, " He is Billy the Kid, and when his hands are better he is going to ram that gun up where the sun don't shine."People say the funniest things when they’re drunk A drunk staggers into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like to buy everyone in the bar a drink and get one for yourself too!" The bartender makes the drinks and everyone raises their glass and yells "CHEERS!" and downs their drinks. The bartender says "That'll be $37.50." The drunk says, "I don't have any money!" This infuriates the bartender who then jumps over the bar and beats the living daylights out of the drunk and throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar and says, "I'd like to buy the whole bar a drink, and get one for yourself, too." The bartender figures that maybe he was a little hard on the guy the day before and decides to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He makes the drinks and they all say, "Salute!" and down the drinks. The bartender says, "That'll be $42.50." The drunk replies by putting his thumb to his nose, wiggling his fingers, and making a loud raspberry noise followed by, "I don't have any money !" This angers the bartender even more than the first time. He jumps over the bar and beats the hell out of the drunk and throws him out into the street onto his face and kicks him a few times for good measure. The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar, but before he can say anything the bartender says, "Let me guess, you want to buy the whole bar a drink and I should get one for myself, too, right?" The drunk replies, "No way, you get too violent when you drink!"Oedipus A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender he dares have only one beer. The bartender asks him what the problem is, and he replies "The last time I came in drunk at 3:00 A.M. my wife was so bent out of shape we damn neared ended up in divorce court." The bartender replies "I'll tell you what, all you have to do is give her an extra special treat and she'll forget her little mad." "Such as?" asks the patron. "Do you ever go down on her?" The patron replies, "I really can't bring myself to do that, and, in fact, the mere thought of it makes me sick to my stomach!" "I'd get over it if I were you." replies the bartender. "Just think, she'll be so grateful and no matter how loaded you are you won't be all stressed-out trying to keep it up and end up resorting to soft-packing." "I'll give it a try. And now, get me a double Manhattan!" Our hero stumbles in the house blind drunk and having a hard time containing his guts. "I'll get this over quick and hope not to upchuck all over her." he thinks. "I don't EVEN want to see it," he tells himself and so goes into the bedroom without even turning on the light and dives straight under the covers at the foot of the bed. The response in incredible! Our hero's response is an incredible wave of nausea so he rushes into the bathroom where he sees his wife sitting on the toilet taking a tinkle. "I don't know how you beat me in here." he says "But be quick! I've got an emergency!" "Shut up you damn drunk." she hisses. "Your mother's in there trying to sleep!!"More Walk Into a Bar Jokes ==> Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Recommended Reading
Belly Laffs Beyond the Blender: Jokes Ive Heard from Behind the Bar
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